Let this spooky Halloween tale serve as a reminder not to put your ultimate trust in jack stands over the QuickJack portable car lift. You never know what goes bump in the night…
“The Jack Stand”
By Jack Allan Poe
Once I woke from blissful sleeping, feeling nothing ‘round me creeping
But the wisp of ghostly breathing from my lovely wife Lenore.
Then my lips, so chapped from licking, clenched to hear an object sticking,
As of metal harshly clicking, clicking on my garage’s floor.
“Who would visit me,” I muttered, “clicking on my garage’s floor—
‘Tis no dream; there’s something more.”
Steps inside my home were creaking, pipes within the walls were leaking
Down into my empty hall, beyond which something lie in store.
Clanking metal there was sounding like an old, diseased heart pounding,
To the point of deathly worry, click-click-clicking past the door.
Touching gently on the handle—twisting, eyes glued to the door—
“Scare it off and nothing more.”
Storming in, hands up and thrashing, in the darkness I went crashing
Down the single step I had forgotten lie beyond the door.
Dazed and hurt, my senses missing, feeling only darkness kissing,
Yet my ears could still detect the clicking, closer than before.
Standing slowly, brave and bleeding, I moved closer than before.
Moonlight spread across the floor.
Now the awful metal clanging stops—and here my Porsche is hanging,
Hub just dangling in the air, a Jack Stand broken on the floor.
Thought I placed it right for lifting; could it be that awful shifting
Was, in fact, a slender ratchet giving out upon my floor?
Tipping, then my Porsche collapsed and totaled there upon my floor.
Quoth the Jack Stand “Nevermore!”
To this day, my shoulders shudder when I hear some dripping gutter
Or a whisper in the night that seems to come from sweet Lenore;
Midnights pass in sleepless walking, hearing metal voices talking,
Crashing—when there’s nothing there but wreckage on my garage’s floor.
QuickJack would have saved me; now this heap upon my garage’s floor
Shall be lifted—nevermore!